


Textbook

by MousesizeDragon



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-18
Updated: 2013-02-18
Packaged: 2017-11-29 18:56:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/690328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MousesizeDragon/pseuds/MousesizeDragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony is brilliant, he’s a genius by anyone’s standards, and after Obie, terrorists and even Hammer there’s no way he’ll ever let anyone see his real weaknesses. Spies are not the only people who know how to live a lie.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Textbook

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pagen_godess](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pagen_godess/gifts).



> WARNING: has depression, Post Traumatic Stress and mentions being tortured.
> 
> Disclaimer: None of the Avengers belong to me, and I was a big on comics as a kid but I’m basing this mostly off just the movies, because that way I’ve got more freedom with canon.
> 
> I'm dedicating this, and all the Avengers works I'm going to transfer over from FFN, to pagen_godess who is my buddy on FFN and gave me an invite to AO3.

Tony reads SHIELD’s file with Natasha’s evaluation of him and bites his tongue, literally, to keep from laughing or reacting wrong. Iron Man Yes, Tony Stark No, he knows what he’s supposed to say and do in reaction to this. He plays his part perfectly and Fury and his little minions never suspect a thing. But later, when the dust settles and he stumbles down to his workshop and he’s finally alone with just his creations as his witnesses he collapses. Collapses into his chair shaking with laughter so strong his damaged body protests with even more aches. Once he can breath again he calls JARVIS on line. “JARVIS pull up SHIELD’s file on me will you?”

“Certainly Sir,” his AI replies even as he opens an electronic copy of the file he’s stolen off their server. Tony has had JARVIS hacking into SHIELD since Agent Coulson first approached him right after he built the suit. That means, thankfully, that he knew Natalie was really an Agent of SHIELD sent to spy on him before they even met.

Seeing her assessment of him again sends him into another fit of glee. “Oh god, JARVIS, I’m dying,” he gasps out between trying to suck in air and the uncontrollable snickering. “She actually said textbook!”

“Shall I alert Miss. Potts of your decline in health Sir?” JARVIS replies with all the sarcasm his programming contains.

“No, I’m good now,” as he speaks he flicks the holograph to send SHIELD’s file on him flying into the hidden, overly protected and encrypted, drive he keeps all such information.

 _Textbook_ Narcissism, of course it’s _textbook_ , where do you think he was getting his information on how to act from, another person? After all the betrayals in his life, all the fake friendships that only exist for his money and false ‘relationships’ that only happen due to his looks, it shouldn’t surprise anyone that Tony Stark trusts no one. Alright, so he trusts Pepper, mostly, but he also keeps a lot of things from her just to protect her. Tony also happens to not only be a guarded, betrayed, genius with trust issues but also one of the most self-aware people on earth. He knows exactly who he is, why he is the way he is, and how to prevent anyone else from ever getting even a glimpse into how he really works.

First of all Tony Stark is depressed. It’s true, a shrink who didn’t know who she was diagnosing over the phone could confirm it, that is, if she connected that consultation with a billionaire she’s never met who lives six states over. So he has been diagnosed with clinical depression, and he had it before the whole Afghanistan mess, it hits him sometimes but he has pills and he’s gotten to be an expert at hiding it from everyone until it goes away. Tony managed to turn his AI into his therapist years ago, when he realized he needed one, by having JARVIS download a ton of medical texts, videos, and studies. Tied into this is his deeply hidden insecurity, lack of self worth, and occasionally suicidal disregard for his own safety. It comes out at times like when he told Pepper to overload the Reactor and fry Stane knowing it would most likely kill him too; he wasn’t thinking about how he had to sacrifice himself for the greater good or anything heroic, no, in his mind Tony was about as important as an ant that happened to be on that roof. If he died it didn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things, and if there had been anyone else on the roof he wouldn’t have let Pepper hit the button, but since it was just Tony it was okay. Same sort of thoughts he had around the flying a nuke into space incident.

The second major weakness that he’s hiding is that Tony Stark is possibly the most paranoid man on the planet. Seriously, he even gave JARVIS backdoors into every satellite in orbit. No longer does JARVIS just see all and know all on Stark property, now he sees all and knows all around the world, and even those shuttles in space. With hidden access into SHIELD, the CIA, FBI, NASA, DOD, the Pentagon, and pretty much every other intelligence agency in the world, regardless of nationality, Tony collects and filters more information and secrets than any single person or organization in rest of the world. He’s hacked what remains of the KGB, wormed into the IRA’s computers and emails to monitor their workings, and hundreds more. There is no organization too small to catch his notice. All his programs and servers devoted to the information filter for one thing; plans to hurt Tony Stark, Pepper Potts, James Rhodes, or Happy Hogan. The rest of the world can fall into ruin and chaos, as long as he can keep the few people he holds dear safe. If he was a spy like Fury, Coulson, or Natashalie he might care for the rest of the data his systems compile, as it is he lets the world’s secrets stay hidden.

Finally, there are others but this is the third and last major weakness, Tony Stark is a control freak. No, Tony is obsessively controlling, no, he needs control to function. This stems from the slight OCD and perfectionism he had before he was captured and held captive by terrorists in a dirty cave. The experience exacerbated his tendencies and turned them into a full-blown issue. He carries hand sanitizer _everywhere_ , there is even some in a small hidden compartment in each of the Iron Man suits, and even soaked in sanitizer he can hardly stand other people touching him. People can’t hand things to him because he always has to know what he is touching. While he used to get drunk now he pretends with watered down drinks or even colored water because just the idea of not being in complete control almost sends him into a panic.

Which is why he will never be a good team player, ever again, he cannot allow anyone else to control his actions and decisions but he would also make a terrible leader. He’d hate to lead a team of any kind aside from his robots who will always, only, do exactly as he commands. Humans who aren’t him add too many unpredictable, uncontrollable, elements into the equation. Except Pepper who is all about schedules and precision and after knowing and working, sort of, with her for so many years he can predict her every move by now. But even Pepper sometimes is too much, every once in a while she does something spontaneous or unexpected and he has to retreat to the safety of computer codes and solid unchanging metal in his workshop.

No one is allowed into his workshop anymore and he almost freaked out and had JARVIS initiate anti-intruder security protocols on Agent Coulson and the other Agents Fury sent to babysit him when he was dying of Palladium poisoning, multiple times. He didn’t, if only because he would have hated explaining to Pepper why their favorite Agent died in Tony’s house from simultaneous gunshot wounds, poisoning, and asphyxiation, at minimum. JARVIS controls the house; the house has more built in weapons than all his suits combined, again with his paranoia. Besides if he does, mostly accidentally, order his house to kill anyone people would know how protected it is now, after the Stane incident he takes no chances. Next thing you know the government will be demanding he turn over his house to the military.

His need for control extends to everything he owns. All the suits are now designed to self-destruct as soon as anyone unauthorized attempts to use them, take them apart, reprogram them, or even just run a non-intrusive scan on them. He trusts no one but himself with his tech anymore; he even builds safeguards and his own override code into every single Stark product out there, regardless of what it is. As a scientist he used to love the thrill of discovering new things, now, as a former prisoner and survivor of torture with post traumatic stress, he hates the unknown simply because if he doesn’t understand something he might not be able to control it. Now he hates even something so simple as staying in a hotel, there are variables he can’t control in hotels.

There is no way he can ever stand by when there is a battle happening, as long as the outcome might affect him or the things he deems precious he cannot leave it up to chance or someone else. It’s the control issue that will keep him fighting. The fact that he has no military training or super powers and is, in fact, the weakest and most fragile person considered for the Avengers Initiative will never be enough to stop him. Because when he trusts other people he gets his heart ripped out of his chest, literally, while he is left to die. They steal his things, attack him, betray him to their superiors or the government or the military, and even turn around and reveal they’ve lied about who they are, and these are just the people he lets in part way. Think of all the damage someone could do if he let them see all of him.

He knows all of this, knows his flaws and weaknesses, and knows he should get help of some kind but he can’t let anyone prey on his weakness again so he encrypts the sections of JARVIS’s files relating to these things far more than anything else he’s ever hidden. JARVIS will play nursemaid, therapist, sounding board, butler, caretaker, and friend and it will never be too much, he will never leave or betray Tony, because that is how he is programmed. Tony will hide his true flaws from everyone he doesn’t trust, and he doesn’t trust anyone.

Tony Stark may suffer from many things, depression, OCD, PTSD, paranoia, self-hate, perfectionism, slightly manic episodes of creativity, a fanatical need to control everything in his life and environment, and the inability to trust another human being, except occasionally Pepper, however one thing he has never had is narcissism. There is no deep-seated need for praise or adoration in him, sure it’s nice to be appreciated and admired but Howard spent years ignoring his only son while Maria almost smothered him with adoration, Tony learned to not care either way and be self-sufficient early on. Obadiah’s ‘admiration’ of the miniaturized ARC Reactor and the Iron Man suit killed off any desire Tony ever had for people to marvel over or praise his so called golden eggs. But his actions all need explanations, or SHIELD will keep digging, so he does his research and decides, and JARVIS agrees, that it will be easiest to pass himself and his actions off as those of a careless rich man with a classic case of narcissism.

He studies the books and research obsessively until he can play his part perfectly. Then the curtain comes up, his company hires ‘Natalie Rushman’ and he acts the fool he wants them to see until the curtain goes down and they leave him alone. It’s just ironic that her report reads _textbook_ narcissism because that’s exactly what it is. Narcissism pulled straight from a textbook so she will believe her mission is accomplished and dig no further. The performance is a success, the audience leaves satisfied, and he is left alone again in the company of the only beings he can trust, his machines, and occasionally Pepper.

When they come back for an encore and invite him to fight for them he sighs to himself and pulls the textbooks back out. Time to review his ‘symptoms.’

**Author's Note:**

> None of this is Betaed by anyone but me so sorry for any mistakes. And this is only my second time using this HTML format.
> 
> Originally published on 9 October, 2012 over on FFN.


End file.
